Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Please: Save Yourselves.

I had to clean this thing out today. No worries, I only dry-heaved twice.

And, no, it's not the refrigerator from the set of "Saw."

I moved in with my fiancee last Friday  and was supposed to sell it today to a guy (I presume) who was justifiably enraptured by this gorgeous image on Craig's List. He was to arrive at 10 to pick it up. He never showed up. Or called. So there's that.

Flashback to yesterday, at the gym, where I had the pleasure of choosing the treadmill between Loud-Bluetooth-Talking-While-Giving-Her-Friend-Dating-Advice-Girl and Underarmor-Stretchy-Shirt-Bandana-Guy, who, for some reason, ferociously - and repeatedly - punched the air with an array of vicious hooks and uppercuts - grunting and grimacing with each and every stride. 

So it was cool being next to all of that. 

Later, when I went to the free weights area, all of the 20-45-pound dumbells were either:

A. Being used by non-threatening, medium-sized Jews, who looked suspiciously like me


B. Scattered about the gym in an upsetting array of dumbell madness.

Now, the first scenario I can handle - to some degree. I've finally come to terms with the fact that I possess the Honda Accord (non-hybrid edition) of bodies: It's reliable, sturdy, and generically attractive. Perceiving myself as anything beyond that would be sad and delusional. 

But the second situation is completely unacceptable, on two fronts. First, why can't gyms just have more weights accessible for people who aren't injecting massive doses of horse hormones. And, more importantly, why can't people clean the fuck up after themselves? I mean, Jesus.

Seriously, what's the matter with people? Is it an L.A. thing - that being flaky, aloof, and unreliable is irrevocably ingrained in the culture? Or has this movement toward ethical malaise imbued itself into the entire nation's social fabric? Are people more attuned to their fellow human beings beyond L.A.'s bubble of narcism, or is our entire country a heaping ball of immaturity and self-indulgence? These are things I need to know.

Because as far as progressivism goes, L.A.'s small potatoes, despite all the Obama stickers and vanity-plated Priuses jamming the freeways. Our Metro mass-transit system is riddled with incongruity and inefficiency, the school district possesses a student body with a 50 percent dropout rate, the air quality is just as poor as it's ever been, and recycling is still thought of as a quaint option to launching McDonald's wrappers out the window of one's moving vehicle. And our slick, high-profile mayor is better known for getting this done as opposed to this.

Incidentally, if you get a chance, check out this piece from today's L.A. Times. It seems that Villaraigosa has some ideas about contracting out ownership of public schools to bidders from the private sector. Uh...yeah. Would anyone care to inform Mr. Glorified Used Car Lot Salesman as to what happens when formerly public entities get privatized? Exactly. It's ludicrous to assume that private companies are motivated by anything other than profit. Thus, they should be kept far away from entities that are critical in maintaining a stable, just society. Or maybe that's just the freon talking.

At any rate, Angelenos vote largely democratic (when they vote at all), but, like the Jesus freaks who judge and scorn all of us who don't subscribe to their brand of theistic fundamentalism, there is an inherent phoniness that's made tangible in all the "Hope" bumper stickers and recycling logo T-shirts (made in China).

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Stop the Inanity. by Brock Cohen is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.
Based on a work at www.stoptheinanity.com.